I thought that I would try doing this as a blog rather than a artwork post, as I like to go into detail about clothing characters and the design aspect of their outfits and that little text box on the side is quite hard to read if I put a vast amount of detail in, so I wondered if maybe this might work better for this kind of post.

So over the past week I have started deciding on, testing and finalising outfits for Gosia, this is quite important as these will be used not just to present Gosia in image but I also like my clothing choices to echo the character too along with little nods to places and people that have influenced her design and in Gosia's case her name.

To give a brief narrative insight into Gosia as a character, she is 21, she works in an office and is an aspiring actor and she was given a big break that wound up not quite working out how she had hoped, so she is kind of on the brink of thinking her hopes of hitting the big screen have all but faded. Which is where she is mentally when she stumbles across Evelyn and Fae and the story will go from there.

I like my modern characters to have a realism to them, I like them to be an accurate portrayal of what I commonly see amongst many people in life, so Gosia is quite petite but she is shy, reclusive and generally doesn't have much confidence or self belief. With that basis in mind, I need outfits that reflect this general narrative, it's no good contextually if the story is about her lacking confidence within herself if then she is strutting around in mini skirts or bright and garish clothing. With that in mind I wanted to take some time to play with outfits and get them to be harmonious to the narrative but also work on the logic of having a few sets of clothing where I can swap pieces in and out to create an almost infinite wardrobe, in the exact same way I did with Savena some time ago.

I want Gosia's general vibe to be quite chilled, stylish, casual but with hints of an underlying yet fading youth, I have a work outfit for her, but who really cares about that along with some stuff she will wear around the house, "comfies" if you like, stuff that never leaves the house but that no-one ever sees either, shorts and slouchy t-shirts, that kind of thing. But for the outside world I want simple outfits that echo Gosia's almost painful desire to just fade into the crowd and go about her daily life, eternally unnoticed, so low key, casual but smart while still echoing the fading self belief of youth.

Most of Gosia's outfits were heavily influenced by a visit to Krakow in March this year and later in the year a visit to Montenegro too, I wasn't looking for inspiration or ideas for a new character or outfits in either but I guess you are always harvesting ideas? One thing I have become quite fond of is outfits and looks with quite heavy texture variations, it's why I love Isla's outfit, where she has different linens, leather, suede, metals, velvet and a coarse heavy linen cape too, so I was keen to incorporate that into Gosia's outfits too.

For her first base sets I figured, plain black tops with either plain trousers or a pair of jeans, nice and simple, fully interchangeable and I think pretty accurate for people around Gosia's age, I have just given her a single pair of trainers so far, as I think most of us have that one pair for all kind of deal going on most of the time.

When Gosia is in a more formal mode or attending, she has a slightly smarter iteration of her first two sets, where she has a plain vest, jacket that can be combined with her jeans or trousers to give a slightly more formal version. Gosia also is the first character I have that quite suits a red dress, so when the need arises she can really turn it up, it's quite nice to have a character that can do that if the need arises, not that it generally works out for Gosia when she does!

Finally I like all my modern world characters to have a favourite top, shirt or whatever, you know just how we do, where we have that shirt that we are slowly loving to death but I want Gosia's to also carry a little nod to the countries that helped to shape her too.

Hopefully this is easier to read than an artwork style post and gives a little insight into the clothing selection process for Gosia in preparation to start telling her story in the New Year.

One You Need

Mum often told me all kinds of stories about Evelyn, it was no surprise really, after all they had been best friends for years, lived together, found their feet together and alone in Ljianstipol together. Mum told me tales about how they had shared the highs and lows of life, side by side but there was one story buried amongst them all that always seemed to encourage a strangely wry smile from mum, not a sinister smile but something she shouldn't have been proud of but somehow was? Evelyn had been banned from attending the annual steampunk festival in town for years and it was telling the story about how Evelyn got banned from it, that imposed that curious and almost naughty smile on mum's face, like recalling it was a guilty pleasure of some kind? According to mum, she had been having some trouble with a local journalist, he had built up her trust and messed her around just to throw her back to the wolves when she needed him the most and when needed the readers he would try his luck all over again. Mum parted ways with him quickly but Evelyn was never quite happy with how he had treated her best friend and when he and Evelyn crossed paths at the steampunk festival a year later, she exacted revenge in mum's honour.

That part of the story was when mum's first cracking smile would appear, she would cackle to herself with an odd satisfaction as she told that part before descending into her own guilty pleasure as she told more. Evelyn caught him in her glance on the far side of the park, he was wandering around brimming with confidence and snapping pictures of anyone vein enough to succumb to his lens, lost in his own indulgence, he was fully unaware that he was now being shadowed from afar. While Evelyn may be small, she was also pretty quick, mum said she had no idea what Evelyn was about to do as she all but made a bee line for him, with a transfixed purpose, walking at pace through everyone and anyone that offered her additional cover. Mum watched as he found a new pair of targets just as Evelyn drew close enough to strike, running at full pelt, using a bench as leverage and doing little shy of a running jump to deliver a heavy right hand straight to her ex-boyfriend's face. As he fell to the floor Evelyn loomed over him and started yelling at him furiously about what he had done to my mum, all but screeching at him about how he had betrayed her trust and violated her, drawing as many eyes to herself as possible to publicly shame mums ex for what he had done. Mum would all but cry her eyes out cackling to herself and the reason for mum's unfiltered laughter? Evelyn did all of this for her while dressed as some kind of cartoon rabbit.

Mum's side of story was funny but hearing Evelyn's side of things was equally interesting, she still to this day gets angry about what that guy did to mum, her voice becoming gritty and frustrated as she talks about what happened. Evelyn somewhere will grin smugly and simply say “No one fucks with my best friend!” The strangest part is it seems like Evelyn feels she should have done more about him but mum always tells me a simple truth about it. Mum simply says that Evelyn is "That one friend, the one you hope to find and the only one you need" I never fully got what mum really meant but I remember Evelyn saying that she thought that for me at least, Paisley might be that friend, the one who would have my back no matter what. I guess in some way the funny thing is that mum says exactly the same thing, like they think in the same circle or something? It was weird as I thought mum would have said that about Yui? But then I remember how proud she was after I stood up for Paisley both at school and then that night in game with Yui? Mum was so oddly proud that night, she got quite emotional about it all, I guess maybe mum knew something I hadn’t yet figured out? Not that she was telling me that if she had, or at least not directly.

Nearly six weeks had passed since school had ended and Yui and Lavender had returned to Tokyo to spend the summer with their mum. Both hadn’t turned up for the party Evelyn had arranged to be the weekend before they went away and it had been over seven weeks since me and Yui had actually spoken. Part of me was downhearted about it all, mum kept saying that she thought Yui would see sense and eventually everything would work out but I had no hope it would. Yui had been my first friend at school and we had been so close I couldn’t believe that just defending Paisley was enough to end that once happy union. I had spent just about every day of summer with Paisley, just hanging out either at home, in town or in game and we had become super close. Mum said we reminded her of her and Evelyn, how we almost just knew what each other were thinking or going to do. Truthfully I had grown to really like Paisley, we shared everything and sometimes I got what mum meant about just knowing what she was thinking. 

Me and Paisley weren’t the only ones who had gotten closer throughout summer either, after a final interfering shove from Evelyn at that beach party, mum had finally admitted that she was quite fond of Paisley’s dad. I remember Evelyn imposing herself as our babysitter that night, forcing mum to take a night off, whether she wanted to or not. Of course neither me or Paisley knew who the guy was that mum spent that evening with until the next morning. When both came home and confessed to me and Paisley, that they had been seeing each other on Wednesday nights, after mum’s sessions at the Davizioso. Ever since they had been spending more and more time together, it was nice to see mum happy and Paisley’s dad too. During the week, they met up a couple of nights a week before they spent Saturday nights together, giving themselves a night off from being parent’s and me and Paisley a night to do just about anything we wanted. Home delivered takeaway meals, rented films, duvets on the sofa, all night gaming, as long as the house wasn’t a complete shithole the next morning, mum was happy for us to just enjoy ourselves and they were just a text away if we needed them. During these nights alone is when me and Paisley had grown closer still, learning each other's past. I learned about Paisley’s mum walking out on her and her dad when she was eight and she learned about my foster family history and my Serbian roots. We had become really close during summer but knowing each other in person was one thing but online was quite another. After so much time gaming together, we found a kindred groove and we both just knew what each other was going to do in any situation. During those nights we had gotten better and better in game and neither of us could wait until our team was finally back so that we could tackle the next mission.

That first week back at school had been tough, Yui didn’t speak at all but her place was more than filled by Paisley, but the strange thing was just how much Yui seemed to hate that. Each and every time she caught a glance of me and Paisley together she would just glare at us, especially at Paisley. Mum and Evelyn had both warned me what could happen if she got jealous, I guess I just didn’t believe it could truly happen? Not to me and not with Yui of all people. Either way I was relieved when Friday night arrived and I could sort of forget about facing Yui until Monday morning. Deep down I hoped that maybe if we played together on Saturday night, a first healing patch might be laid, especially as we both got a message from Lavender asking if we would be playing tonight. Mum had sent me a text to say she would play, but only to complete the mission before she and Paisley’s dad went for dinner. One by one we all came online, me and Paisley were sharing my room, while Hana came online followed by Abbie and then mum along with Yui and Lavender. Yui was now going to be taking the lead while I would hang back with Paisley, making sure that our rear was covered and there wouldn’t be a repeat of what had caused the break up between me and Yui. Or at least that’s what we hoped, but I had no idea just how wrong I was going to be. 

The first part of the mission was to make our way down into the subway system, it was almost pitch black and there were guards everywhere and they were taking no prisoners. This was a merciless assault on the senses, peering into blackness looking for any kind of shimmer or shine off a rifle or scope and just hoping it wasn't friendly fire. Mum told me it was giving her a headache but she wasn’t alone, the odd flickers of failing neon lights and little fires made sure that your eyes never really got used to the darkness. Together we somehow found a set of disused steps that plunged down through the blackness into a dimly lit chamber of the station. Everyone else ventured down first while me and Paisley kept guard up top, peering through darkness and listening to shots echoing up from below, it was harrowingly long to wait a few minutes. As our team called “clear”, me and Paisley barred the door shut, sealing us in the stairwell as we descended to join our team. We kept covering each other as we made our way down, criss crossing each other around the steps like a well engineered zip all the way to the bottom. Flickering blue and green lights greeted us as we descended to the subway chamber and ventured into the open lights as the stairwell opened out into a platform. 

We both paused briefly before we ventured out onto the platform, I took the lead and as I rounded the corner from the stairwell and ducked to take a last look to check the left, a single shot echoed from nearby. We knew there were no npc’s down here, so it had to be one of our own, I watched as a tracer flew right past my eyes, stunned as I glanced downrange and could see Yui with her rifle up trained on me. Yui had fired a single warning shot, shocking me into a trance and disbelief that she had fired upon me. Whether it was intentional or not didn't matter, Yui was rusty in game and while Yui’s shot might have missed, Paisley’s reply didn’t. Without thought Paisley yanked me back and leaned over me, twisting and firing two shots, a few moments apart, the timing set by her whisper over the radio “Fuck you Yui!”. Paisley’s first shot thumped straight into Yui’s chest, the second timed with just enough delay for her to gaze at Paisley in shocked disbelief before it thundered through her skull. I watched as those cases spun through the air before my eyes, drifting down in slow motion before clattering on the ground in a puff of smoke. With that little misjudged moment, just like her chances of surviving the game, any chance of me and Yui patching things up rattled and fell dead to the ground. The silence was deafening as everyone in game fell completely silent and I couldn’t believe what had just happened as Yui and Lavender quit the game together. 

I took off my goggles to see the real world and catch my breath briefly but in kind Paisley had too and she winked at me as she put her hand on my shoulder and whispered into my ear “Fuck her, you don’t anyone thinks they can treat you like that” I took a few deep breaths as mum’s voice echoed “Savena?” in the headset “Savena?” she sounded worried, almost desperate as Paisley winked “Come on, let’s get this done” again and put her goggles back on, I did the same as mum’s voice echoed again. “Savena? Are you okay?” Mum sounded oddly worried as Paisley answered her “She’s okay Fae” looking at me as I put my goggles back on to rejoin them “I’m okay mum” mum’s voice settled down as she sighed in relief “As long as you are both okay” I could hear her deep breaths as she sighed “What the fuck was she thinking? Huh?” Paisley stepped in “I bet it wasn’t what she got for it” mum laughed in that same tone she did when she told that story about Evelyn before sighing “Well, fuck her Savena, you don’t need people like that around you” I couldn’t believe mum and Paisley were thinking the same thing as I uttered “That one you need right?” Mum's voice suddenly grew calmer and cheerful as she uttered back “Well, I guess you have her now” mum paused briefly before asking “Let’s get this shit done” and we rallied together before pressing deeper into the subway, ready for the next mission, our team now smaller but closer than before.

We finished that mission and mum headed off to dinner with Paisley’s dad after checking again that me and Paisley were okay after our run in with Yui. While me and Paisley ordered takeaway at mum’s insistence and as we waited I got a text from Evelyn? I opened it and gasped as I read what she put “What’s it say?” Paisley asked as I started laughing and handed her my phone “Oh fuck!” Paisley started laughing as she saw mum had sent Evelyn a screenshot of Paisley taking Yui down and Evelyn’s words of wisdom? “Fuck her, you don’t need people like that Savena” I guess they all had the same thought about the same thing and I was the last to see it coming. We spent the rest of that evening talking about it, Paisley laughing away as she impersonated the face that Yui had pulled as that first round found home in her chest. There was no doubt she was proud in the same way as mum was when she spoke about Evelyn punching that journalist at the steampunk festival. Like she shouldn’t have been proud of it at all but deep down she was unquestionably proud of it, as if it somehow was a forbidden guilty pleasure of some kind. Where she didn’t really tell anyone else but me, her best friend, it felt weird realising just how close we had become over those few weeks of summer and how distant me and Yui had become at the same time. 

While Paisley slept I sat up thinking about it, recalling that moment as Yui winced in despair knowing she was about to die at Paisley’s hand in a scenario of her own making. Briefly I worried what might happen on Monday morning at school, would Yui confront me or Paisley about it all? Then I felt that sadistic rise on my lips, just on the left hand side as I glanced at Paisley sleeping with a strange grin on her face “Fuck her” I whispered to myself as I grinned smugly to myself. I guess deep down I was no different to mum after all, that single moment online now serving as a defining line between what was and what had come to be. After an hour or so giggling silently away to myself, I sent mum a text to say goodnight and that we were okay as I joined Paisley sleeping on the sofa. My unquestionable best friend, the only one I truly needed, the one mum hoped that I would find and in kind so had I. Paisley became the second reason I had to smile every day and think how in a strange way I had been lucky to find myself here. When I had first come to Ljianstipol, mum told me that finding good people was a bit like finding Islands in a vast ocean and that night Paisley became my second Island. 

Glowing Up

I knew how much it all meant to her, that strange fascination she has for brass and glass, leather and lace, there was nothing else I had ever seen bring such a smile to Savena’s face. It all started with those glasses she found in Oured, our day of horror in the capital only made bearable for her when she saw those sitting in a shop window. That day was awful, three hours on a train to spend an entire day being questioned like a criminal, just so that some beaurocrat could determine that her only crime was having been born in Serbia. Savena had only just found her voice and settled into a life with me when we both had to endure a day under medical examination of her being prodded, poked, swabbed and sampled, just to determine exactly where she was from. To keep my promises to her, I subjected myself to the same treatment and went first so that she knew I would endure everything she did and more to stop them taking her from me. A few of the doctors sure gave me strange looks when I sat down for their tests, disbelieving that I was going to suffer the same to keep her in my home. They were never going to take her from me, no matter what they tried I was going to make them concede defeat and let Savena become my legal daughter. That day in Oured would finally force the schools into allowing her entry and let us both start to rebuild some kind of normal life beyond the horrors that girl had barely escaped. 

After all those tests and inquisitions on the walk back to the train, she stopped almost dead in her tracks, her eyes locked onto something and her entire being moving round and backwards in a circle to look deeper. I had never seen such a quizzical yet innocent look upon her face, lost for a moment and stranded in her own world of wonder. Gently smiling obliviously with the beautifully lost air of a forgotten childhood. Curious as to what had captured her heart and mind I stepped beside her and couldn’t work out just what she had seen in that window but instead I just encouraged her to go inside and look deeper still. Rather than walking round the shop, she headed straight to the manakin and just stood gazing into the lenses of those goggles. Her face was so beautiful, she was utterly enchanted, lost in her own blissful little world. I had never seen such a sweet smile across her face until that moment. Keen to encourage her to be adventurous I whispered to her “You could always try them on?” Savena’s head flicked round with such an innocent look as I took them from the manakin and handed them to her. She almost bowed her head like a princess ready to receive her crown and whether she knew it or not, those goggles were coming home with us.

How could I forget her face as those goggles rested upon her head, she was so happy, after such an awful day, I was relieved just to see any hint of hope glistening in such soft eyes. Savena adjusted them to fit her hair and walked around staring at herself, she was just enchanted. With a single glance at me, the deal was done and no matter the cost, she was taking those goggles home. Most kids probably would have had to plead and beg, but not Savena, just seeing that sweet smile and glowing eyes was payment enough for me. That trader saw us coming though, the price was terrifying but after such a bad day, I really didn’t care. Savena spent the entire train journey home lost in her new world, smiling at her own reflection in the window. Like any parent I wanted to encourage her and while I watched her lost in this new strange trance and and wondered if this would just be a passing trend. I couldn’t stop myself thinking if in just a few weeks time those goggles would find an eternal home on a forgotten shelf in her bedroom. But as it would turn out, so little did I know, that on that most awful of days, I had just watched my daughter find a new world unique to her and all of her own.

Everyday she wore those goggles, morning, noon and night, only taking them off when she went for a bath or went to sleep. Sometimes it felt like those things were attached to her scalp just like her red hair. Much to my surprise though Savena never let those goggles dull and nor did that enchanted smile that I loved to see so much. Over the next few weeks I watched her clean and polish those goggles religiously, with little cloths and cotton swabs, she was so fastidious and meticulous in every way. Eventually she had that brass so polished and the leather so buffed, that it was almost like they were better than new, I felt a strange pride in seeing her love for something run so deep. Savena’s new found passion was utterly infectious and I would do anything to keep that flame burning brightly and fortunately a few weeks later, Ljianstipol would provide me with just the fuel I needed.

Every year the town hosts a large Steampunk bizarre, people travel near and far to visit the huge celebration of brass, leather, glamorous outfits and curious trinkets. I did have a few worries about taking her along, after all, I wasn’t sure quite how so many people that on any normal day we would probably avoid, would react to a quite enchanted but slightly enthusiastic twelve year old girl. We spent every minute of those three days walking around, Savena lost in this strange realm proudly donning those goggles on her head. Traders and bypassers in attendance all treated her the same way, taking time to talk with her and unveiling this strange new world she had fallen so deeply in love with. Each different person revealed different thoughts and ideas to her, how to start, where to begin and to take her time, especially as she was starting to grow. I only truly remember the glow filling her eyes as they offered advice to her. While that weekend would soon pass, the courtesy and kindness fully fueled a new kind of magic deep within Savena and I couldn’t have been happier or more thankful to have seen either come to pass.

Savena dedicated herself to this new found love, every penny she earned from babysitting Lenola or helping Tony and doing things around the house all harvested with a purpose only she knew. Over the past year she kept tucking away everything she earned to slowly build up a look that she kept entirely hidden. Well Evelyn had some role to play in it, but despite being my best friend, she kept Savena’s secret from me too. I guess just like Savena, Evelyn wanted my first viewing of this new side of my daughter to be a true surprise with no forewarning or sneak peeks. This year of course is different too, Savena is thirteen now, yet still quite sweet, but she is growing into a beautiful young woman now and I know the last few weeks have been tough for her too.

Savena masks it well, but I know that the fallout with Yui has upset her more than she lets on, she will eventually tell me, but in her own time, even if I really don’t like that being the way. Yui after all was Savena’s first real friend in Ljainstipol and in truth I thought Yui would have been better than she has, but I guess sometimes, the best of us can be wrong. While Yui and her shunning of Savena surprised me, Paisley utterly astounded me. Never did I expect her to step up and fill the void left by Yui, but she soon more than filled that gap and well, deep down she is a good friend to Savena. Secretly she has been talking to me to surprise Savena by coming along for the weekend with us, I guess those two have more in common than I thought? Either way it’s good to see someone who truly has Savena’s back and maybe she has found her own best friend in Paisley, just as I did with Evelyn? 

While I waited for her in the kitchen and thought about this weekend together, I heard the first shy footsteps as she started to descend from above but she quietly asked “Can you close your eyes mum?” I could hear nerves in her voice and I knew how big this moment could be and who was I to refuse the humble request of my daughter? I closed my eyes and chirped back “Sure, they’re closed” I heard her steps start up again, nervous pensive steps, I could feel her apprehension as she drew closer but I kept my eyes closed and held my own nerves. I didn’t like feeling her being so nervous, especially when it was about something she loved so very deeply. Her breaths were shorter than normal as she came to rest and whispered “Mum?” as she took a gentle deep breath and uttered through quivering lips “You can look now” Little did she know that she had no need to be so nervous.

I opened my eyes with a mindful breath and the first sight I caught was her trembling knees bumping into each other, her feet adorned with cute little boots. I couldn’t believe she was so nervous as I looked up and saw my beautiful little girl adorned in such a sweet lacy dress with a glorious corset covered in intricate patterns and brass and those cherished goggles topping her head. Astounded to the point where I could barely speak as I realised just how quickly she had grown into such a majestic young woman, I collapsed back, gasping as I took it all in. She put her hands behind her back, trying to hide the apprehension she felt but as I composed myself and started to well up, soon enough I wouldn’t need to think what to say. “Savena, look at you” I gazed up into her eyes “What happened to that scruffy little girl I brought home?” I could see her eyes flitting as my words teased her ears. I reached and held the side of her corset “Is she still in there?” she gazed down at me gently smiling with that same beautiful smile and those glowing eyes I had first seen just over a year ago “You look so beautiful Savena” my voice became so soft as I absorbed all that I was truly seeing and gently gazed into those eyes as I took a moment and as she started relaxing I contently sighed “I’m so proud watching you grow Savena” 

I thought back to the little girl who had first come to the Davizioso, just over eighteen months ago and my thoughts slipped out “If only they could see just how wonderful you have become Savena” I began welling up “Not that they would get the chance” she glanced down at me curiously as I gently exhaled “You are my daughter now” her cheeks bulged a little as she smiled back at me with a tear falling down “Mala Lisica?” I hugged her tightly and held on with such pride as I realised how quickly time had passed and whispered back “Mala Lisica”

Two weeks had passed since I stood up for Paisley and ever since Yui had barely said a word to me, beyond the barest of greetings any time we had spent together had been endured in complete silence. Part of me felt guilty and a little bit sad that a well established friendship could end just like that and all because when she tried to do something that I thought was wrong, she got pretty mad that I just didn't go along with her plan. Paisley was the newest member of our group of friends but to me that was no excuse for Yui or anyone to want to leave her behind when we got trapped behind enemy lines, I remember Yui's face when I confronted her and said "We don't leave anyone behind, either we complete the mission as a team or we don't complete it at all!" Of course in my anger I did agree to take Paisley under my wing and realistically even though it was meant with best intent, all it had served to do was make the matter worse.


We had been clearing out a sector before pushing on to the subway in the next mission, Paisley had been guarding the rear but in all the action no one had clocked a sniper lying in wait until it was too late. Paisley was on the ground before we took the gunner out, in such a bad way we barely saved her but she was left in such a weakened state and when I stood up, it was agreed that I would take personal responsibility for her. Just in case that wasn't enough during the next part of the mission me and Paisley got separated from the rest of our crew and found ourselves trapped so deep behind enemy lines that there was no hope of rescue from anyone and instead had to find shelter wherever we could. So why not a collapsing bunker that belonged to an enemy officer?


Every single explosion no matter how small sent a little piece of that place falling down, me and Paisley had found a place to sit and rest for the night, shoving boxes and crates into the strongest looking corner under the only light in that crumbling shelter. The only plus side so far had been finding something to heal Paisley a little, some new uniforms and some slightly better weapons too and going by the gunfire echoing just above our heads, we had very little doubt we would need both very soon. Each little sound from outside made me think more about the situation I now found myself in, I had kept wondering about backing down and apologising to Yui but when I asked mum, she told me to stand my ground because deep down I knew that I had done nothing wrong.


A few times I had asked my mum what to do but all she really said was that "If Yui is my real friend, then she will come around in the end but it might take some time as generally people don’t like to be called out for their shittier actions" Though I knew she was right, that didn't really help that much at all but it did help more than her other advice "Well Savena, this is one of those things that you have to figure out on your own" which again I knew she meant well but it seemed far better than her final advice "Sometimes Savena, the best friendships come from the hardest of places" then she would start to tell me how her and Evelyn had first met, she told me that story so many times that I could repeat it without thinking word for word. I knew that she was trying to help me but I just couldn't quite figure things out, but if I thought that Yui had been bad with me, it was nothing compared to how she chose to snub Paisley.

Paisley had been so very different since the falling out, her normal confidence had been thoroughly snuffed out and since that day Yui hadn't said a single word or even sent a courteous glance Paisley’s way. We had become closer of course, I guess strength together to weather the storm, but truthfully with her being so calm, she was no longer the Paisley I once knew. Her thoughts had been softer than normal, her usual zest and zing, toned down just enough so that she became quite deep and thoughtful. While both mum and I missed her almost infuriating confidence and charm, we had both grown quite fond of this previously unknown other side of Paisley.

We sat leaning against each other, comforting and consoling each other whilst being showered by dust and ash when from silence she bleated quietly “I thought you two were so solid you know?” I glanced over at her to ask “Who?” Paisley just sighed “Yui and you” gently as she turned to rest on the crate and eased back against me “I remember looking at you two, you were so close, I used to envy you both” she fell silent briefly “I used to think “I hope that I could find a tight friend just like that” you know? Someone that no matter what, had my back and that I could trust no matter what” Paisley let out a strange giggle “Man I can’t believe that she has done this shit to you” I glanced across “What about, what she has done to you?” Paisley chuckled “Me?” she looked up at me and chuckled “She never liked me, the only reason Yui ever spoke to me, is because you do”.

We fell silent again as I just listened to her voice cast amongst sporadic gunfire echoing from above “You’re just like her you know?” she paused briefly as I looked at her curious as to what she meant as she smiled “Your mum I mean, you’re just like her” as she fell quiet for a moment I started to think deeply about what to say as she soon filled the void again “When I went to see her when I got suspended, she could have just told me to “Fuck off” just like anyone else would, but not her, not your mum, that’s not her way. Instead she took me to work with her, looked after me, promised not to tell my dad as he already has enough to worry about, looking out for me on his own”.

Paisley’s voice had grown softer, gentler and almost remorseful as she held back a snuffle “She’s been good to me Savena” I felt a strange pride as I heard those words but more shocking was what tickled my ears next “You have too” I felt my mouth drop open as I looked round “I haven’t done anything really?” Paisley dropped her head and glance through her eyelids “You really are just like her aren’t you” she smiled so gently “She’s always talk about you, she’s so proud of you, especially for what you did two weeks ago” I felt a smile creep over my face as she let that out, even if I had hear those exact words from mum, somehow they meant more coming from Paisley.

Paisley snuggled closer to me “You know what she said to me? When I spent that week with her?” Paisley eased up against me and pulled my arm around her “I spent a week telling her about all the places I went and the things that I did and do you know what she said to me?” I knew Paisley had spent a week with my mum, hiding being suspended from school from her dad, but mum had never told me anything that they had ever talked about. As my hand fell on hers she gently whispered “She took me into that big room of hers and sat me in that chair, no one else around, just me and her. She sat down in front of me and looked me straight in the eye and she did that strange soft voice of hers, you know the one and she said “You sound lonely Paisley” I couldn’t even look her in the eye as she said it again”.

I could feel Paisley gripping me tighter as her lips quivered “You don’t have to chase people to be your friends, someday when you figure it out, someone will make you forget what being lonely felt like at all” I could hear my mum saying those words to her in the back of my head, even the tone of voice mum would have used. I pulled her tighter as she glanced over and smiled gently “Then she told me the story about her and her best friend, you know the ginger girl from the clothes shop” I butted in “Evelyn?” she just nodded “Yeah, she’s the one” Paisley started telling mums favourite story about how she and Evelyn first met and suddenly I realised why mum had kept telling me that same story.

I felt my mouth opening wide as it became obvious that she was never talking about Yui at all, but instead what she was trying to tell me was that “Paisley is my best friend” I took in a deep breath in disbelief that my thoughts had slipped from my mouth as Paisley glanced over at me. Paisley looked me up and down and giggled “She said you would figure it out” I looked down at her and saw that wry smile creep across her face as she sighed contently “Two weeks ago, I realised I didn’t have to look around anymore because I had already found the only friend I would ever truly need and I wasn’t going to be alone anymore” She stopped and waited for me to look into her eyes as she proudly said “Savena I found you” I felt her words deep down, caressing my heart as I smiled back “Solid forever?” she glanced back and nodded “Forever”.

I am sure that you have noticed that over the past few months I have been clearing out the old and rearranging just about every social site that I use in preparation for what is all but a total relaunch of pretty much everything. 

I would like to clarify, this is not because I am ashamed of what has been in any way but merely where my skills in 3D have improved so vastly it seems slightly careless to put new against old, however this is not merely limited to images from way back when I first started out but even images created but a few months ago. 

During my quiet time I have stripped everything back to it's barest elements and approached it with a very new mindset, one geared towards creating far higher quality worlds and one where I manufacture close on 100 percent of everything seen in the images.

Of course over the past five years I have shifted from using Daz to Blender and I utterly love Blender but now I am looking to move again and the problem is that many sites simply don't support any of the software that I am looking into moving onto.

Simply put this is basically a pivotal moment of my development, not just as a 3D artist and Author but also as a person, the irony in some ways being that I forewarned myself of this exact moment arriving some three years ago.

Three years ago I created Scorpio, my first true character in the sense that she wasn't merely created by luck or fortune as Evelyn, Fae and Savena were, but a purpose made and sculpted being, meticulously crafted for the singular purpose of telling a very new kind of story to what had come before. 

Scorpio of course was the first of these new lines of characters, with Isla coming along, again a character sculpted and crafted with a specific purpose to fill the fantasy and folklore side of stories that I had become disconnected from. 

These stories are intentionally written to have a very different level of depth and immersion to anything I had written before, with vast worlds with hundreds of beings present and accounted throughout. Of course the first thing I learned was how much work would be involved just with this single story, everything having to be made or if I am lucky maybe kit-bashed and reworked for the purpose. Vast terrains, clothing, houses, plants, buildings, props, but with that comes a huge downside. 

I have always wanted people to experience the same world that I do, to feel the same thrill that I do when these worlds come into being and crafting these lands and people has often been an excellent way of doing just that. However in the same sense, filling a world with images also limits what other people can experience, the way they will see and feel the worlds I craft, so a decision had to be made.

I always reminded myself that if I ever hit the point where one aspect began to hold back to the other then I would make a decision to remove the element that would hold one back.  Rather than filling a book with images, instead I have opted that I will drop the volume of them, possibly removing them entirely and just creating the front and back covers for the respective stories to give readers the mental space to experience and see my worlds in their own mind. 

To accomplish this task takes much more time as I am looking to create industry standard images, not good amateur work. This is no longer merely about software but about a lever of depth of thought given to every image that potentially will be used, I ran a few trials of working this way during the past six months and in truth it suits me far better than what I have done before so for me that now is what I will be doing. 

Additionally however I have been working on the sequel to Life Downside Up, but I arrived at a pivotal and unfortunate moment with that too. The more I started to try crafting the actual story, the more I realised that, while the pieces are very good, they don't form up to become a complete story, or at least not the kind of story I wish to tell. 

Again I had to make a decision and when I boiled it all down, as much as I love Islands, Evelyn, Fae, Savena and Ljianstipol, if Islands isn't really a story in a complete sense, then the time has come to lay them all to rest. I am sure you can imagine that deciding to set down my first characters and starting point of my journey into the unknown has been pretty hard, mentally I still haven't fully adjusted to the idea of that. 

However, of course I have quite a lot of pieces for Islands kicking around and I'm not one for wasting something and while they don't quite form up to be a complete story, they do form up to be more like a series and that gave me an idea. Rather than simply binning nearly a years worth of work, I will just put them out, in some kind of order, hopefully people will like them or maybe it's just a way to keep something alive? I don't know, but it feels like the right thing to do.

Hopefully this makes some kind of sense, I'm not sure if I just rambled aimlessly or not but it feels right to let you know.

In the first part of three, 

I attempt to explain how an ambition to design and sell my own range of 3D printed models, would lead me on the path to writing my first book Life Downside Up and becoming an author while drawing Fae for the first time.

2024 was undoubtedly the best year I have had.

Two new worlds came into being whilst two existing worlds matured and of course my first book ,Life Downside Up finally came out on the 24th of May, marking the start of my journey as an Author.

The year was not without loss though, as after continual attempts to integrate Evelyn into the storyline of Islands it became clear that while Fae had moved on and evolved as a character, Evelyn never truly has. So the hard decision had to be made to retire Evelyn, of course she will remain in promotional and when I feel the urge to visit the forest again.

2025 however will be slightly different as I have decided to focus on writing two of my four stories. 

Islands, the sequel to Life Downside Up, a story about Savena and Fae as they learn to become mother and adopted daughter.

A Savage Garden, a micro scale dark forest fantasy about Isla as Hans tried to guide her on a voyage of self discovery to learn who she truly is at heart.

Scorpio and Ayiana will still be worked on, just still have so much to make for both that for now they will have to wait to be fully told.

I hope to see you in 2025 wherever our paths might cross.