Fae, Depression and Bipolar Disorder

Creating a character with the idea to show their psychologically destructive mind wasn't exactly an easy concept to work with especially as I planned to show every pained detail of the continual debilitating battles that raged on silently in the background of Fae's mind. These often unseen and very much silent personal battles would often render Fae incapable of functioning, leaving her trapped within the confines of both her own home and far worse within the flesh and blood prison cell of her own body.

Creating images based upon the destructive battle that raged within Fae wasn't easy and nor was writing about it as often the images and story context were crushingly bleak and dark in nature. Yet I wanted to show everything that Fae endured in a blunt and often uneasy to view or read way as that for many that suffer from mental health problems is their everyday reality. As such I was quite mindful about being both sympathetic with content but also to portray the silent battles that are fought everyday without people really noticing or understanding they are happening.

Whenever I create a character by virtue of developing them and some kind of story behind them I develop an emotional bond to that character, in some way almost as if they are a living and breathing part of my own family. Showing someone who I have an affection for and tapping into the emotional connection I have for Fae in her creation process allowed me to fully pursue and portray the sullen nature of her mental health problems.

Fae's depression crashes are often brutal and strike with little or no warning as she finds herself tumbling down into the dark abyss of her own mind, sometimes being incapacitated for days on end as her own mind slowly crushes Fae. Fae would often spend days alone battling with herself in the confines of her own home, though sometimes she would muster just enough energy to endure her battles in quiet parks.

Fae's bipolar-disorder is quite sporadic and unpredictable in nature and she often just switches without realising it has really happened until a day or so after she has had a little spike. This makes Fae often unpredictable and sometimes utterly wild as any sense of logic or reason can fall away from her without and warning leading to her on occasion being quite hyperactive and carefree.

Due to the variable of nature of Fae and her state of mind she has found it hard to really connect with people as during her youth she is bullied and abused by people looking for a quick and easy laugh at her expense. Fae suffers from having little self-esteem, poor self worth, almost no confidence and a heavily negative body image, believing that she is unattractive and to all intents and purposes unlovable.

When she moves to Ljianstipol after a lonely and miserable Christmas she is surprised to find herself surrounded by people that simply accept her how she is and despite her unpredictable nature, stand by her. Helping Fae to finally feel grounded and at home in her new town, even helping Fae to find a new career working at the very same mental health retreat that she was once a patient. Yet no matter how hard they try they cannot fill the strange void that lives within Fae, until one day in the midst of a depressive crash she is stumbled upon by a strange passing girl (Evelyn) who changes everything that Fae has ever known.

Fae's story 'Life Downside Up' follows the story of Fae and the way her life evolves and changes after moving to this strange new place and was written at a time when just like Fae, I was enduring my own personal battle with depression.